Wednesday, 15 May 2019
Intuition in relationships
What is intuition?
At the popular level it is called Sixth Sense.
The RAE provides us with very ad hoc definitions for this occasion:
"The ability to understand things instantaneously without the need for reasoning"
"Intimate and instantaneous perception of an idea or truth that appears as evident to whoever has it"
It is as if inside our gray mass the puzzle disassembled in 1000 pieces, automatically and unconsciously it is assembled with only 999 pieces. We still have to find that fragment that is missing.
Why do we hold back when it comes to believing in our intuitions? In my opinion, we must trust others, more generally we should trust more of this unconscious process that is alarming us about something that does not fit.
Of course our intuitions are not always 100% reliable, because states of mind, emotions, perceptions, prejudices come into play. You always have to check with objective and real proofs that are not the fruits of our paranoia or imagination.
However, we must deepen them if we want to clarify a certain situation because they can give us important clues in the search for the truth.
If we talk about relationships, it is very important to know the basic behavior of the other person in order to identify inconsistencies.
In a relationship for example, we are supposed to know well the other person.
If we do not know the other person well it is because we have been together for a short time and if we already begin to fail of trust something tells us that it is better to leave it at once.
If at a particular moment in our relationship we begin to doubt certain acts, first of all we should ask our sentimental partner for an explanation. This without negative emotions, in fact we should give the person object of our doubts to fit the pieces of the puzzle without judging them at first sight.
Second, if we do not find satisfactory answers or if we stay with that feeling that there is something there that we do not know what it is but does not leave us alone, then we can use the brainstorming method in writing. We could write on a sheet all the thoughts that come to mind, memories of strange things, that do not fit, certain indications, also events that seem to have no importance, which, however, come to mind just as we are writing. In this way, reading our written ideas we move a little away from our subjectivity. We can also pay attention to the changes in our body while we review the information and see how they make us feel. Once this brainstorming process is finished, we must look at everything we have written and compare it with the information that our partner gave us when asking for explanations.
Here we should have a more complete view of the situation that does not fit us.
Now, there are two types of people: those who seek the truth and those who prefer not to go further, rather stay with the doubt and continue trusting their partner. Both are totally respectable.
If at this point there is evidence that something does not fit and you are one of those who prefer the truth even if it can be painful, something very common is to hire a private detective to give us the proofs that will finally confirm that we are not paranoid. This is the most expensive option in terms of money but less in emotional expenses. This is the option that evokes an initial high investment, but in the long term neutralizes emotional expenses.
If we are more daring and do not want to involve external people, we have to behave as researchers ourselves. Control mobile phone, emails, discover passwords, follow in certain places. Knowing that you could cross legality and that the game turns against you, once all this is done, you cannot go back. All these acts involve loss of trust and something very important is going to break within the relationship. For this same reason, now it is no longer intuition, rather you have to be aware of the consequences and be ready to accept what comes.
So, in what group are you?
Federica Cossu
For more information about Federica Cossu, expert criminologist and sociologist, you can access her information and professional contact: http://aconve.org/federicacossu/
Tuesday, 7 May 2019
The truth of the detectives that changes your life
On May 2, J. Oliver and A. Oliver were invited to discuss, in the program de
boca a orella of RNE, Radio 4, about the profession of the private investigator
and his day today. This was because it was the day on which the 20th
anniversary of the creation of the association of private detectives of
Catalonia, the first association at European level and recognized
internationally, was commemorated.
The work of the private detective is often defined as the profession where
the life of other people is investigated, but often without authorization for
it. It could not be a more incorrect definition. The work of the detective has
to be objective, it is regulated and it must be legitimate to investigate the
person the client asks for. You can not investigate if there is no
legitimation.
The function of the detective is to seek the truth, always. There are times
when that truth is not what the client wants or was waiting for, but it is the
one that he receives from the professionals he has hired to reveal his
uncertainties.
Usually, the client contacts these professionals because they have a
suspicion about one of the most diverse possible topics, both at a business and
personal level. It can be a case of infidelity, alimony, false pretense,
illegal rent or, for example, unfair competition. Due to the high number of
possible cases, the day to day of a detective is usually always different,
spending many hours in the street investigating and looking for evidence to
contribute to the clients. Tests that if they are not legally obtained, they are
useless.
Besides the work in the street, the detective looks for the information in
all the means at his disposal. Many times the researchers themselves
"help" in the process because they publish their entire lives on
social networks or on the web. An example of this is the Airbnb boom in the
rental of illicit tourist flats that has increased enormously and where all the
information is usually available to those searching for it online, but
providing proof of that is often not so simple. It is here that the work of the
private investigator enters.
However, it is important to clarify that investigating and spying are
different concepts that many people tend to mix. Spying is an illegal activity
while investigative work by the detective is legal and regulated by law. Not
everyone can investigate and be named a detective, he must be properly
qualified and have a professional license.
Reality always surpasses fiction and there is nothing more rewarding than
being able to discover a truth that has the capacity to change someone's life
for the better, without ever forgetting that ends do not justify the means and
that everything has to be within the border existing legal.
To listen to the entire interview, access HERE.
Sindia Alves and A. Oliver
Anthropologist and Detective
of Oliver Detectives
Thursday, 2 May 2019
Uncertain identity: the secrets of your origin
"All his life Antonio had the feeling that he was adopted. His affectionate family denied that, but the absence of similarities with the members of his family and the lack of photos related to pregnancy, indicated that his mother might not be the woman who brought him into the world. One day he decided to end doubts by requesting his birth certificate. The truth jumped to light, the dates of birth did not coincide. Antonio was definitely adopted." This could be the beginning of the story of one of the many adoptees that currently exist.
If we start searching online for stories of adopted children in search of birth parents, infinity of things will emerge. Many of them are stories with happy endings, others not so much. However, they all have one thing in common: the desire to know their origins.
In the vast majority of cases, all families that adopt children give them everything they need, however there is a desire stronger than all, to know the whole truth, where they come from. They ask themselves daily what happened, whose fault was it, what was the situation that led to the adoption, as their biological family looks like. There is an immensity of unanswered questions that induces a feeling of deep emptiness.
In the past, adopted children could not search their biological family because unfortunately if they tried to do so they were censored and called "ungrateful" because it was seen as a failure of adoptions. However, times have changed and currently in Spain, the right to know their biological origins is already recognized by law. It is a process that can last for months or years, but the curiosity of knowing the truth surpasses everything.
Luckily, there are qualified professionals for this type of search, private detectives, who due to long years of experience always have search alternatives in cases of unknown whereabouts. The indication of adoption in the birth certificate can be a good starting point to discover the whole truth, although a thorough and detailed search is necessary to end these stories with a happy ending as if it were a fairy tale.
Nobody look for his mother because they already have one, the adoptive mother, the mother of heart. They look only for their origin, their real identity.
Sindia Alves and A. Oliver
Anthropologist and Detective
of Oliver Detectives